Emotional Intelligence - Travis Bradberry

🚀 The Book in 3 Sentences

1. Everyone has a right to their own emotions and feelings.
2. Be present, stay socially aware, and let yourself experience what is happening instead of rushing past it.
3. High emotional intelligence shows up in how you manage your time, making wiser decisions, and effective communication.

🎨 Impressions

When I first picked up this book, I thought I already understood the basics. EQ helps you communicate better and make smarter decisions. That part made sense. What surprised me was realizing it also shapes something as practical as time management. I had never understood this concept. The way I manage my emotions directly affects how I respond to tasks, pressure, and even small annoyances during the day. If I feel overwhelmed, I procrastinate. If I feel defensive, I waste time proving a point. Suddenly it became clear why I procrastinated a lot 😅

EQ is really about being aware of what is happening inside me while also staying tuned to the people around me. When I lead my emotions with intention, I put in more effort to improve my situation. Instead of staying stuck in a bad mood about work, I can choose to reframe it. Instead of labeling myself lazy when faced with tedious tasks, I can accept that discomfort is part of progress. The author also reminds us not to trust extreme moods, whether good or bad, because decisions made in emotional spikes often create adverse consequences.

📀 How I Discovered It 

I think this was a book that I read from Amazon free kindle book

🦉 Who Should Read It? 

This is a light and approachable read for anyone curious about how to manage their reactions. It is helpful for those who want to become better communicators or simply strengthen their emotional intelligence, because understanding your own EQ does not just improve how you interact with others, it also influences how you manage your time and make decisions. Managers and leaders who want to grow into their roles would likely connect with it, since delivering good results often begins with managing your own emotions well and creating a steady emotional environment for the people you lead.

☘️ How the Book Changed Me 

• I am learning to lean into the uncomfortable feelings that push me to grow, especially the feeling of not being in control, because that tension reminds me why I want to build something of my own.
• Most situations are not as terrible as they first appear, but negative emotions can make them look much worse than they really are.
• Always think to myself why do i do the things that i do.
• I choose to focus on my freedoms, instead on my limitations.
• I try to learn something valuable from every person I meet.
• I make time for my work out, because waiting for spare time is a promise that never comes true.
• I remind myself that not everything in life is within my control.
• Always greet people by name. It acknowledge them as the essence of who they are.
• Having conversation is to listen, learn something new, and not to wow others with my insightful remarks.
• Planning ahead and reflecting on the past matter, but I try not to let either steal my attention from the present moment.
• Focus intently on what i see, hear, and pick up on in other people.
• Everyone has their right to feel their emotions and feelings.
• When a conversation feels awkward or stalls, I use simple fix it statement to ease the tension and move things forward.
• I admit there is nothing stable in life, people change, business have ebbs and flows and things are never permanent.

✍️ My Top Quotes

• Expect success, not perfection.
• Don't be fooled by bad mood. And don't be fooled by good mood either.
• Moods are not permanent
• The two strongest wariors are time and patience.
• Focus your attention on your freedoms, rather than your limitations
• Wherever you are, be as present as possible so that you see the people around you and experience life in the moment.
• Trust is something that takes time to build, can be lost in seconds, and may be our most important and most difficult objective in managing our relationships.
• When you care, show it.
• Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way, this is not easy.

📒 Summary + Notes

• Emotional intelligence is a combination of rational and emotional centers of the brain.
• Time management, decision making and communication falls under EQ.
• 90% high performers have high EQ.
• 4 emotional intelligence consist of personal competence and social competence.
  • Personal competence focuses on individual, its an ability to know my emotions and manage my behaviour and tendencies.
    • Self awareness skills.
    • Self management skills.
  • Social competence is the ability to understand people’s mood, behaviour and motive in order to improve my relationship.
    • Social awareness skills.
    • Relationship management skills.
• Spend time thinking about my emotions enable me to figure out where does it comes from..
• High self awareness enable people to clearly understand what they do well, what motivates them, what satisfies them and which people and situation push their button.
• Having self awareness makes me pursue the right opportunities, put strenght to work and keep emotion from holding me back.
• The most important element of social awareness is to listen and observe well. Stop talking, stop monologue, stop anticipating about the point a person wants to make and stop thinking about what you're going to say next.
• There are difference between interaction and relationship. Interaction and relationship is a matter of frequency. It is the product of quality, depth, and time spending interacting with each other.
• Take note immediately once you identify emotion that is building up inside, refrain from categorising it bad or good, and remind myself that the existing feeling comes out to help me understand something important.
• Reflect on my behaviour and ask others how my emotion affected them.
• Increase self awareness by confronting the discomfort that comes from self observation.
• Its not about avoiding the feeling, the goal is to move toward the emotion, into it, and eventually through it.
• What to do if i am feeling down?
  • Lean into the feelings that will motivate me to change.
  • Leaning into discomfort isn't so bad, it doesn't ruin me and instead it will push me to grow.
• Understand my own emotions by spotting the physical changes that accompany my emotions.
• Learn a step further by deeply understanding why some annoying people and situation disturb me while some other annoying people and situation doesn't.
• How to explain anger to a kid;
  • My anger will not make change to them.
  • Explain the rationale of their punishment and why I am upset.
• Use a journal to record what events triggered strong emotions and how do I respond to it. Develop self awareness by by being objective.
  • Journal helps to see pattern in my emotion, and help to understand my tendencies.
• How does negative mood affected people;
  • It makes them lose sight of what's good in life.
  • Because of this people started to hate their job, frustrated with their friends, family, dissatisfied with their accomplishment, and lose their optimism.
  • But in reality, things are not as bad as it seems.
• Self awareness is knowing what Im going through, understand that I might not be able to change it. Admit that I am feeling bad mood but be reminded that bad moods is not permanent. 
• Good mood and good emotions can cause trouble too. Feeling excited and happy makes us easy to do something that we will regret later. All we need to do is be aware of our good mood and the foolish decision this mood can lead too, and later we will be able to enjoy the good mood without regrets. 
• Practice to trace back emotional reactions back to its origin and understand why the emotion happens.
• Have values in life.
• Understand what emotions influence my behaviour.
• Effective self management stems from how you respond to an emotion actively.
• Proper breathing helps to reduce stress. Breath with nose, inhaling until stomach grow outward and exhaling through my mouth steadily.
• Biggest letdown in life is when we fail to reach a goal we set out to do.
• Share goals with someone and ask them to monitor my progress and hold me accountable.
• Turning negative self talk to positive ones;

• Having alert, focused and balanced mind comes from good quality sleep.
  1. Get 20 minutes of morning sunlight before 8 am.
  2. Turn off screen 2 hours before sleep.
  3. Take care of my bed.
  4. Avoid caffeine in the evening.
• Taking care of my own body, going to the gym, workout, eating right, have quality sleep will make me adept in managing self.
• Working out is actually a break and considered as a significant rest and recharge beyond sleep.
• You dont have time for workout, you make time for it. Carve the time early for it and rearrange anything else around it. Same like my expenses, pay the necessary bills amd save, then the remaing is for fun.
• Identifying body language starts with the head and face. Maintained eye contact shows that person trustworthy, sincere and caring. Have relaxed and attentive eye movement shows that I am sincere.
• Timing is actually everything when dealing with people and emotions ex; you don't ask a favour from people who are going through a lot of stress or angry.
• Develop a back pocket question.
  • A question to asked to get out of awkward silence or uncomfortable moment.
  • Pick a question that requires some explanation.
• When meetings, don't take note entirely, instead look at others faces, make eye contact, and notice their expression.
• Planning ahead ease mental energy and brain power so that I can focus more on my present moment during the engagement.
• Clear up mental clutter to remove distraction and become socially aware.
  • Clear up mental clutter by letting other people finish talking first
  • Think what kind of voice I want to use before my response.
  • Focus myself to the person’s face and words.
• Having conversation is to listen, learn something new, and not to wow others with my insightful remarks.
• Social awareness is being aware and notice what is happening with others right now.
• Be present and experience life in the moment.
• Get in tune with other people and emotion and focus my attention to smaller social clues.
  • Look and feel people’s workspace.
  • Notice timing when people move around in the office.
  • Notice people who seek interaction or who stays at their desk all day.
  • Look for body language clues to figure how different characters are feeling and handling the conflict.
• Look at kids when responding to their questions.
• Observing people is a great way to engage in effective social awareness.
• Take note people’s body language. Watch what they do with their hands or are their body animated, etc?
• 3 important E.Q skills
  • Self awareness.
  • Self management.
  • Social awareness.
• 17 stratergies to making any relationship work
  1. Be open and be curious: show interest in other people and don't misinterpret them.
  2. Enhance my natural communication style: match what i say with my body tone. Catch myself when sending mixed signal, readjust to match it back or explain it.
  3. Take feedback / advice well
  4. Remember little gesture that pack a punch: please, thank you and I'm sorry. Thank the person who are willing to share feedback.
  5. Build trust with people: share something about myself one at a time. Don't be a complete open book.
  6. Increase accessibility with people: open doors to people for communication. People will feel valued and respected. This will be a valuable opportunity to learn about others
  7. Use self awareness skills to define varying degree’s of anger: think about other people’s responses.
  8. Everyone has a right to experience feelings, even if i might not feel the same way: you don't have to agree to people’s feeling, but i have to recognise it as legitimate and respect it.
  9. Be present: identify emotions in people and choose appropriate and complimentary response.
  10. Complement the person’s emotion and situation.
  11. Explain my decision, don't just make them: supporting ideas by understanding why they made the decision, and why the final choice made the most sense.
  12. Transparency and openness make people feel like they are trusted, respected. D connected to the organisation.
  13. Gave direct feedback and make it constructive: feedback is to address the problem, not the person.
  14. Align my intention with impact: use my social awareness and self management skills to observe the situation, the people in it, think before act and make an appropriate response.
  15. Offer a fix it statement during a broken conversation: tell them this is hard, or ask how the person is feeling.
• How to tackle tough conversation.
  • Start of with aggreeing with what has been said.
    • “Judith, I first want you to know that I value you, and I’m sorry that you learned the news from someone other than me. I’d like to use this time to explain the situation, and anything else you’d like to hear from me. I’d also like to hear from you.”
  • Ask the person to help me understand their side.
  • Resist the urge for a rebuttal.
  • Help the other person to understand my side too.
  • Move the conversation forward.
    • “Well, I’m so glad you came to me directly and that we had the opportunity to talk about it. I understand your position, and it sounds like you understand mine. I’m still invested in your development and would like to work with you on getting the experience you need. What are your thoughts?”
  • Keep in touch.
• Making good decision is by having, setting and scheduling a time for solving the problem. It could be as simple as having 15 minutes each day or during walking to office. Just take the time to think.
• Learn to control inner self talk to ensure I can focused on the right thing and manage my emotion effectively. Self talk can become negative if it does not handle properly.
• It's not about the problem itself. It's how you react and response to the problem.
• Social awareness covers a lot of things including learning culture in a new company or walking in the shoes of another person. This improved communication and identify problems before its escalate.